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Advice From The Telly

see also:

Seen On The Telly,
Telly Weirdities

Tips from drama, soaps and the movies ...

purple dot Kids who read a lot and like classical music need to be cured of these afflictions. The best way is to teach them to play a sport.
You can jump through a plate glass window and come out without a scratch.
If the bad guy is holding a gun on you, don't worry, he will always stop to tell you his life story before killing you, allowing enough time for the cops to show up.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
Wherever you are going, it is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is a recovering alcoholic in the control tower to talk you down.
The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet ... just grab a note at random ... it will always be the right fare, plus appropriate tip.
If you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, you don't need to learn the language. A German accent will do.
When entering a kitchen at night, you should never switch on the light - open the fridge door and use that light instead.
Under fire, men should wear a vest or strip to the waist - this will make him invulnerable to bullets.
Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets,
just throw the gun away. You will always find a new one.
If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
When driving down a perfectly straight road, it is vital to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
moments.
Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
(Old movies, OK?)

Don't worry if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
During a very emotional confrontation, don't face the person you are speaking to, stand behind them and talk to their back.
You can always find a chainsaw whenever you need one.

Collected from around the web ... let's add some more!

Contributions from: Tom Rudd, Karen Sandness, Anon

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
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