Advice From The Telly |
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Tips from drama, soaps and the movies ... |
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Kids who read a lot and like classical music need to be cured of these afflictions. The best way is to teach them to play a sport. |
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You can jump through a plate glass window and come out without a scratch. |
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If the bad guy is holding a gun on you, don't worry, he will always stop to tell you his life story before killing you, allowing enough time for the cops to show up. |
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If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. |
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Wherever you are going, it is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. |
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It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is a recovering alcoholic in the control tower to talk you down. |
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The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. |
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You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. |
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When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet ... just grab a note at random ... it will always be the exact fare. |
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If you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, you don't need to learn the language. A German accent will do. |
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When entering a kitchen at night, you should never switch on the light - open the fridge door and use that light instead. |
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Under fire, men should wear a vest or strip to the waist - this will make him invulnerable to bullets. |
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Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You will always find a new one. |
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If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon. |
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When driving down a perfectly straight road, it is vital to turn
the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. |
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Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. |
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If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?" |
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Don't worry if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. |
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During a very emotional confrontation, don't face the person you are speaking to, stand behind them and talk to their back. |
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You can always find a chainsaw whenever you need one. |
Collected from around the web ... let's add some more!
Contributions from: Tom Rudd, Karen Sandness, Anon
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