The Millenium Bug

Y2K Jokes

The Top Eleven Unforseen Consequences of the Millenium Bug

1. IRS demands a hundred years of interest from stunned taxpayers.
2. "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" song gets stuck in infinite loop.
3. At the stroke of midnight, Windows 99 turns back into DOS 1.0, the Pentium
   V turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a beautiful
   glass mouse.
4. Internet Movie Database now lists "1901: A Space Odyssey"
5. Residents of Indiana have to figure out if they're off by 999 years, 364
   days and 23 hours, or 1000 years and one hour.
6. Bob Dole's age erroneously listed with only 2 digits.
7. Mel Brooks's "2000-year-old-man" skit stops being funny.... Oops, too
   late.
8. Sales of Coca Cola jump drastically after original cocaine-laden formula
   becomes legal again.
9. Software engineers point out that since computers think it's almost 1900, we technically have to "party like it's 1899," which, frankly, doesn't seem like much fun.
10. Microsoft declares the year 1900 to be the new standard of the "Gatesian"
    calendar.
11. Unexpected demand for COBOL programmers results in severe under-staffing
    of fast-food restaurants.

Jan May Tuesday 09 Jun 1998

Y2K

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January 1, 2000

Dear Valued Employee:

Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.

One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

Letter to PC/Computing, May 1999, by Dave Lewis:

"People greatly underestimate the seriousness of the Y2K bug. After all, to fix the problem, a computer programmer needs to find a
date ... And we all know the likelihood of that happening!"

Y2K Backup System

Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device. This device has been field tested extensively, including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input. Prior to use, the device will require preparation and testing. Tools and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes).

Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core area must be exposed to properly function. (Left-handed employees should read this sentence backwards, and then go to your supervisor for assistance.)

Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper, and pull it across the paper. If properly done, this will input a single line.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or damage the data reception device. If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or the paper are damaged, go back to the preparation instructions above.

Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by the operator. Placing the device against the computer page forming symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering system you normally use. At the completion of each of the simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly to the right, replace it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able to increase your speed and accuracy.

The device is equipped with a manual deletion device. The device is located on the reverse end of the device. Error deletions operate similarly to the "backspace" key on your computer. Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it backwards over the letters. This should remove the error, and enable you to resume data entries.

CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device. Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable deletion, and may require re-initialization of action as above. This device is designed with user maintenance in mind. However, if technical support is required, you can still call your local computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-DUMMY.

1. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
2. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.
3. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.
4. Cinderella starts receiving Bashful's subscription to "Hustler."
5. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."
6. When you wish upon a star...not a damn thing happens.
7. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.
8. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."
9. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.
10. Two words: catapulting teacups.

25 February 1999

Y2K

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