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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than
to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of the
world a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son! ."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say -- talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to
forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I
pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need
to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room
on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met
at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to
upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later
a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
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