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Creationism - 2

The One-Liners - Quotations - Two-liners - Advice - Definitions

Warning: Some people may find jokes about the creation and other biblical stories to be offensive. These jokes are not intended to offend followers of any religion, and do not seek to undermine any beliefs.

Please read them with that in mind - or do not read them at all.

May Your God go with you.

One - Liners

Graffitti - "Nietsche is dead" signed : God

I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.

Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Adam to Eve : I'll wear the plants in this family!

Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.

Freedom *OF* religion includes freedom *FROM* religion.

Give me some of that old-time Religion...HAIL ZEUS!

Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots.....He SCORES!

That was Zen. This is Tao.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Jesus Saves! By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Quotations:

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at. - Terry Pratchett, 'Small Gods'

And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords; - Alan Wilson Watts

Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. - G.K. Chesterton

I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill

Confession without repentance is just bragging. - Rev. Eugene Bolton

Anonymous Quotations:

I disbelieved in reincarnation in my last life, too.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number of things; right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die!

Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?

Sorry I missed church, I've been busy practising witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.

Do I believe in the Bible? Hell, man, I've seen one!

Advice:

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Go thou and sin more creatively next time.

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Two Liners

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said : "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Definitions

Paganostic : one who doubts the existence of many gods.

Atheism : a non-prophet organization.

Diagnostic : one who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

Puritanism : The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Televangelists : The Pro Wrestlers of religion.


"I don't question YOUR existence." - God

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
Thanks to: Alex