Why did the chicken cross the road?
perspectives on the matter
it was, it was ... a legal chicken ... It wasn't like it was a blood relative
or anything. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)
To actualize its potential.
The Dead Sea Scrolls:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt
cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working
Urrrrrp. What chicken?
I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
It crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.
This Chicken is no more.
It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If
it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's
metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding demised. It's rung down the
curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible.
This is an Ex-Chicken. Ergo, it did not cross the road.
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such
a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads
To prove he wasn't chicken.
Because it could not stop for death.
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends
upon your frame of reference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.
Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the energy it used. There
are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and Farmer 1.2 it will run. If
it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch ...
I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a
horse in my bathroom.
In my day, we didn't ask
why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed
the road, and that was good enough for us.
To die. In the rain.
Do not concern
yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer lies with the chicken
that did not cross the road.
It is the Mother of all Chickens.
a chicken license! It's a dog license with the word "Dog" crossed out and "Chicken"
written in in crayon.
The confluence of events
in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This
brought such occurrences into being.
chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all
chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into
Because that's the only kind
of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of
crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
It crossed twice. First time, it was a tragedy; second time, a farce.
It couldn't. It was a rubber chicken.
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought
he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Honk! Honk! Honk!
want, it should just stand there?
a government conspiracy.
'Cause it *****
wanted to. That's the ****** reason.
if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did
not cross the road.
Because the government
had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will,
when he was really only serving their interests.
For the greater good.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
I missed one?
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road.
vill be back.
Why does anyone cross a
road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken
doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
the chicken crossed the road,
but why he crossed, I've not been told!
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth,
had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads,
even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
You tell me.
I don't care. Catch
it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was
crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe
the chicken crossing?"
Thomas de Torquemada:
ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
To avoid mad-chicken disease.
Zodiacal Influence on Chicken Crossing Behaviour
(July 20 to August 22):
Leo chickens are majestic and proud with
personalities that need to shine, and greet opportunities with fervor and vitality.
They always need to be in charge. They will cross the road with great enthusiasm
for the opportunity to escape a normal, humdrum existence.
(August 23 to September 22):
Virgos are practical and adaptable.
They have a strong desire to succeed, are very discriminating and tend to be critical
of others. They strive for perfection. They are very poultriatarian and will usually
cross for the good of other chickens and because it is the proper or correct thing
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22):
chickens are thoughtful and sensitive, and are always seeking balance and harmony.
They need the respect and love of other chickens more than any other group. They
think carefully before making any decision. Libra chickens are prone to stop in
the middle of the road to try to decide which way to go, making the crossing a
considerable risk to themselves and others.
23 to November 21):
Scorpios have a depth and intensity of their emotions
that gives them a strong inner power. They are creatures of passion whose focused
desires assist them in achieving their aims. They can be ruthlessly self-critical
in their quest for truth. They are uncompromising, and stick to any commitment
they have made. They cross because they promised to do so.
(November 23 to December 21):
These chickens are restless and visionary.
They love to explore new horizons and see life as a journey full of adventure.
They greet every new experience with a warm heart, a ready smile and an open mind.
They cross the road because of a passion to see more of the world and a spirit
which longs to be free.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January
Capricorns are very ambitious and are always striving to reach
the top of the coop. They are tenacious in planning every step to achieve their
goals, and leave themselves little time to relax before looking for new peaks
to climb. They cross because they must to achieve the success they feel should
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18):
Chickens born under the sign of Aquarius are strong independent spirits longing
to break free from traditional conventions and restrictions and the status quo.
They are innovative and idealistic always replacing old outdated thinking with
fresh perspectives. They are strongly driven to oppose social injustice and oppression.
They are always experimenting to discover their own identity. They will cross
because it is forbidden to do so and by doing so it will be easier for others
to do so in the future.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20):
Pisces chickens are dreamy and sensitive. They are blessed with deep intuition
and a wealth of emotion. Pisces are romantic, creative and full of love with a
potential for great happiness and lasting joy. Their imagination is so strong
that it frequently merges with fantasy. They usually cross because they had a
vision telling them that this is the means to the happiness they are striving
ARIES (March 21 to April 19):
born under the sign of Aries are natural leaders possessing a pioneering determined
spirit, who wish to make their mark on the world. They cross the road to assert
themselves and seek action, daring and adventure.
20 to May 20):
Taurus chickens are strong willed and have a down to
earth attitude toward life. They are overly interested in material things and
have a real need for security. They feel unsettled unless comfortable. They will
cross only if there is more security on the other side or to obtain material possessions.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20):
They are highly
restless and are always seeking a wide variety of contrasting experiences. They
cross because they are curious and to avoid the boredom of their mundane existence.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22):
While having a
tough shell-like exterior, Cancer chickens are very sensitive and vulnerable.
They have very delicate emotions, and are always attuned to their environment
and the feelings of those around them. They have a constant and urgent need to
feel safe and always act defensively. They will only cross the road when there
is danger to themselves or others on this side.
20 to August 22):
Leo chickens are majestic and proud with personalities
that need to shine, and greet opportunities with fervor and vitality. They always
need to be in charge. They will cross the road with great enthusiasm for the opportunity
to escape a normal, humdrum existence.
Crossing Chicken Jokes
Standard issue chicken jokes.
What Do You Call A Chicken That Crosses The Road, Rolls In The Dirt, Crosses The
Road, And Again Rolls In The Dirt?
A. A Dirty Double-Crossing Chicken!
What Do You Call A Frightened Scuba Diver?
A. Chicken Of The Sea.
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Guitar?
A. A Chicken That
Makes Music When You Pluck It!
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken
And A Pit Bull?
A. Just The Pit Bull.
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross
A Chicken With A Bell?
A. An Alarm Cluck.
Q. What Do You Get When You
Cross A Chicken With A Dog?
A. A Hen That Lays Pooched Eggs.
Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Race-Horse?
A. A Hen That Lays
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Dog With A Chicken?
A. A Hen
That Lays Pooched Eggs.
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Ghost With A
A. A Poultry-Geist.
Random Chicken Jokes
a selection of the Internet's worst.
What Glows In The Dark And Goes Cluck?
A. Chicken Kiev.
Q. What Goes
Peck, Peck, Peck, Boom?
A. A Chicken In A Mine Field.
Q. What Is A Haunted
A. A Poultry-Geist.
Q. What Is Chicken Teriyaki?
Name Of The Oldest Living Kamikaze Pilot.
Q. What Is The Best Kind Of Car
To Be Driving When You're Ready To Play Chicken?
A. A Coupe.
Is The Difference Between `Kinky' And `Erotic?'
A. With `Kinky' You Use The
Q. What Is The Difference Between A Chicken And An Elephant?
A. An Elephant Can Get Chicken Pox, But A Chicken Can't Get Elephant Pox.
What Is The Difference Between President Hoover And President Clinton?
One Promised A Chicken In Every Pot And The Other Was An Unpromising Chicken Who
Q. When Fruit Comes From A Fruit Tree, What Kind Of Tree Does
Chicken Come From?
A. A Poul-Tree.
Q. Which Came First, The Chicken
Or The Egg?
A. Neither, The Rooster.
Q. Why Did The Chicken Cross The
A. To Get To The Other Slide.
Q. Why Did The Chicken Cross
A. To Prove To The Armadillo That It Could Be Done.
Did The Chicken Cross To The Middle Of The Road?
A. She Wanted To Lay It On
Q. Why Did The Elephant Cross The Road?
A1. Chicken's Day
A2. To Pick Up The Squashed Chicken.
Q. Why Did The Blonde Bake
A Chicken For 3 And A Half Days?
A. It Said Cook It For Half An Hour Per Pound,
And She Weighed 125.
Q. Why Does A Chicken Coup Have Two Doors?
It Had Four, It Would Be A Sedan.
Q. Why Is The Chicken Good Looking?
A. It's Pretty Fowl.
Q. Is It Okay To Eat Fried Chicken With Your Fingers?
A. No, The Fingers Should Be Eaten Separately.
Q. Why Couldn't The Chicken
Find Her Eggs?
A. Because She Mislaid Them.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against
the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
egg, clearly angry, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,
guess we finally answered THAT question."