Architecture 101
The things they never teach in architecture schools,
which is a shame, because there's
a world of evidence that architects can't
work these things out for themselves.
1. Pigeon Sh*te
It's a sad fact of life that pigeons - rats with wings - have taken over many inner city areas. Originally cliff-dwellers, they find the ledges around buildings ideal to socialize, spread disease, and have diarrhoea. So architects need to learn to design buildings that discourage this practice, rather than give them ideal nesting sites, coffee bars and open plan toilets.
You'd think that now we know that pigeons are serious disease vector, as well as a serious polluter, that architects would learn.
You reckon? Next time you pass a new building, look up - there's a one in three chance, in this enlightened age, of finding a heap of guano.
And if a pigeon craps on your head, there's no point reaching for a tissue - by the time you find it, the pigeon will be miles away.
2. Tall Doors
The Tallest man in the world, ever, was less than 9 feet tall - 99.99% of people are below 7 feet tall. So why do so many buildings have doors that are over 9 feet in height?
The doors are heavy to open, prone to falling off their overworked hinges, plus allowing a draught only otherwise seen in a giraffe house at the zoo.
And on the rare occasions that they are mechanized, you can't help but wonder at the pointless waste of energy.
3. Unique Features
I have no trouble understanding an architect's need to add unique features to a building; they are, let's face it, no strangers to vanity. But doesn't it occur to the idiots that uniquity adds hugely to the costs of maintenance? Repaving a rectangular pain of glass, two feet by one foot, is a doddle - quick, easy and cheap. You try applying those adjectives to an irregular octagonal window with a sepia tint.
A feature of modern cities is new buildings with bits missing, where they are waiting six months for a replacement - or until they can afford that replacement.
4. Non-balconies
What, pray tell, is the point of a balcony structure that sticks out less than six inches from the front of the building? Especially when over 50% don't even face the sun?
| Three
philosophy students were discussing the design of the human body. One said, "It had to be evolution; look how well it's adapted for survival" Another said, "It must be 'intelligent design' - the nervous system is just a marvel of millions of electrical connections, couldn't have evolved by chance." The third said, "Actually, it was an architect. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?" |
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