"Friends" Genie Jokes

definitive internet genie joke book
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Nursing a Grudge  |  Island  |  Bridge Too Far

Nursing a Grudge

A nursing assistant was doing a little cleaning on a quiet afternoon; she was polishing the old lamp that an old lady had given to the ward "in recognition of fine nursing" as she had said at the time.

One of the floor nurses, and the charge nurse nearby as the lamp suddenly produced a cloud of dark smoke - from which stepped a lady dressed in nineteenth century nurses' uniform.

"I am Gina the Gray Lady of the Lamp", she said. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my previous owner that I will now grant you three wishes."

With a wave of her hand and puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit, and bottles of fine wine, proving she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

Speaking up, the NA wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with a single, well-built man feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the NA was gone.

The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich, retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with a well groomed man feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke the floor nurse was gone.

"Now what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said, " I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."


The Island

Three men, the survivors of a shipwreck, had been stuck on a desert island for nearly fifteen years when a silver lantern washed up on the beach. "Give it a rub," said Jim. "There might be a genie in it."

Dave obliged, giving ithe lamp a vigorous rub with a tattered jacket sleeve. A cloud of smoke began to issue from the lamp and in no time a Genie stood in front of them.

"I am the Genie of the lamp," he said in regulation booming tones. Then, turning to the Dave, who had rubbed the lamp said: "You may have three wishes as your reward for releasing me."

"We'll share the wishes," said Dave. "We'll have one each. You go first Sam."

"I know what I want, "said Sam, "I want to be back in the trout streams of Scotland."

"Your wish is granted," intoned the Genie, and instantly Sam found himself thigh-deep with a fishing rod in his hands.

"I wish I was in the valleys of Wales," said Dave.

"Your wish is granted," the Genie boomed and within seconds, Dave found himself strolling on the green grass of the valleys.

The Genie turned to Jim. "What is your wish?"

"It's going to be awfully quiet around here," said Jim, "I wish the other two were back."


A Bridge Too Far

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found an old glass bottle. He could see something inside, but the glass was dark green and scratched ... so he opened it.

A Genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The Genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."

The Genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the concrete that would be needed, not to mention the surfacing, drainage systems, lighting ... No, that is too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute: "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?"

The Genie scratched his beard and thought about this request for a few moments.
"So, do you want two lanes or four?"

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This site is dedicated
to the memory of
Karen Carpenter
1950 - 1983,
a Genie who never
escaped from the bottle
Karen Carpenter